The wife filed for divorce: what to do and how to behave for the husband

Divorce on the initiative of the wife is not a rare situation. Most marriages break up at the request of the woman. There are many reasons, both psychological and financial. The Family Code of the Russian Federation (RF FC) provides for divorce as the legal right of any of the spouses.

An important aspect is the presence of children in a marriage. In this situation, only the court can terminate the marriage relationship (Part 1 of Article 21 of the RF IC). Legislative bodies pay special attention to minor children. When a woman herself begins divorce proceedings, a man should think not only about his situation, but also about the future of his children and try to dissuade his wife.

Divorce

The reasons for a spouse's refusal to continue living together are always individual . Each woman has her own temperament and her own “weak points.” When filing for divorce, women often indicate that they “didn’t get along” with their spouse as the reason for divorce.

A woman can file for divorce for any reasons, of which the most “weighty” can be identified:

Jealousy of the spouse and frequent quarrels in the family.
low income .
Alcohol, drug, gaming addiction of the spouse.
Cheating on the part of a man.
Lack of common interests.
Physical violence .
Insufficient attention to children.
Frequent absences and business trips.

A spouse can apply to the civil registry office at her place of residence only when the husband agrees to the voluntary termination of the marriage and the spouses do not have children together.

When spouses have children under 18 years of age, the wife can only apply through the court. here :

When the spouses have decided on the place of residence of the child (children), the application is submitted through the magistrate's court.
If there is a dispute about the child’s place of residence, go to the district.

Preparing for divorce: useful tips

So, there is no turning back. You have already prepared a fiery speech or have already announced your decision to your spouse and now you don’t know what to do next. Bachelor life is already looming on the horizon, but the divorce process is not so simple, especially for those spouses who have common children and jointly acquired property. Therefore, it is better to carefully prepare for an official breakup and not act too rashly. Things to think about before divorce:

The financial side of the issue. The legislation of the Russian Federation is more loyal to ladies during divorce, and strives to leave gentlemen penniless. The average man almost always finds himself a financial loser after a divorce. Of course, because the bulk of the family’s income is usually brought in by members of the stronger sex, and women most often cannot boast of large incomes. What happens after a divorce? Jointly acquired property (and honestly earned by a man's sweat and blood) is divided in half between the ex-husband and wife in the absence of a marriage contract. And the newly minted bachelor starts life practically from scratch, and if he is especially lucky, he also pays off his debts to his ex-wife. Therefore, before starting the divorce process and the wife’s remarkable cunning, it is better to consult with a lawyer and only then announce your final decision. It may be worth transferring part of the property to your parents so as not to be left with nothing. Take into account all the circumstances and the character of the spouse, remember about the division of property and do everything to ensure that it happens fairly. If your wife took full part in providing for the family, give her credit and share the property you have acquired with her equally.
Children. If you have children, then the divorce will take place in court. In most cases, the right to live with the child goes to the mother. Therefore, it is very important to maintain friendly or at least neutral relations with your ex-wife in order to see your offspring and not cause them psychological trauma by regular conflicts. Discuss in advance all the features of raising children, since resolving financial issues is an important moment in your life. It is better to come to a peaceful agreement and have it certified by a notary than to go to court over alimony. Show your spouse that you do not want to avoid responsibility and want to continue to provide for your children. Do not forget that the news of a divorce is difficult for them to accept, and a real man will not spontaneously run away from home, but will discuss the impending breakup of the family with his offspring. Try to talk to your children as correctly and thoroughly as possible, explain to them what is happening and assure them that the divorce is not their fault. Otherwise, they cannot avoid complexes and psychological trauma.
Lack of unnecessary advisors. It is better to get a divorce without the participation of strangers. There are so many “wise” advisers around who strive to insert their own words and tell you what to do and how to do it. Think with your own head, do not interfere with others in your relationship, since each person has their own subjective views on the situation. Introducing strangers to personal problems will contribute to the spread of rumors and gossip, which obviously will not play into your hands. Even the best friends who find out about an impending divorce will be able to wash their heads so much that you can change your mind and later regret it. Let the divorce process become a sacrament for you and your spouse. Believe me, it's for the better.

What to do?

The wife filed for divorce and is determined to end the family relationship with her husband, but the husband does not agree to dissolve the marriage - this situation occurs in many families.

The main rule that a man must follow is that he should not resort to insults and accusations of his significant other, much less physical violence and intimidation, even if you do not want to get a divorce. This will only aggravate the situation, and if there are children, the wife will become doubly more determined.

First of all, try to find out the cause of the family conflict. If a woman is silent, then you should independently think about your actions and mistakes. Involve other relatives and friends, maybe they can help you figure out the problem.

Second, take steps toward reconciliation. Surely, the wife acted “rashly.”

How to talk about divorce and not remain enemies for life?

Deciding to divorce is very difficult, especially when you and your wife have been tied together for many years together. But tormenting yourself for the sake of illusory hopes of renewing your former passion is not the point. Left with your unloved wife, you will experience daily moral suffering and will not be able to give her family happiness. Therefore, the best way to solve the problem is to talk about divorce. Only this conversation should be carried out sensibly and in order, which will minimize stress and come to a mutual agreement. How to tell your wife about divorce correctly? Follow our proven algorithm:

Consider your decision. Remember that at the registry office you promised to be together in sorrow and in joy. If you are currently experiencing a bad streak in your relationship, then there is a high probability that it will soon change to a white one. When deciding to break off a relationship, you must clearly understand that final separation is the only way out in this situation. Play through all the possible consequences of divorce several times in your head. If you and your wife recently had a big fight, think about whether this conflict could cause negative emotions and provoke you to think about divorce? Perhaps after a while you will cool down and realize that you rushed to make a decision. Listen to the voice of reason, otherwise you may regret the words spoken in a fit of anger.
Predict your wife's reaction. What kind of person is your spouse? There are very emotional ladies who can heat you with a frying pan out of anger and resentment. If you realize that your wife will react too impulsively to information about the impending divorce, you should think through your final speech even more carefully and choose words and expressions during the conversation. Does your spouse love you very much and has a hard time with conflicts? In this case, think about whether she will do something to herself after the news about the imminent separation? If you feel that your wife has even the slightest suicidal tendencies, you need to very carefully prepare her for divorce and act slowly. In such a situation, time and careful attitude will help you save the life and health of the person, as well as relieve you of the feeling of guilt for the tragedy that happened. Are you afraid of violent hysteria? Write a letter to your wife and hand it to her at home. Let her read it in your personal presence. There is a chance that this method of presenting information will prevent an explosion of emotions, and the woman will take the news of the divorce more calmly.
Have the divorce conversation at home. A hastily sent SMS or phone call is not the best way to convey your decision to your spouse. You should also not meet on neutral territory. There will be strangers around, in front of whom you need to restrain yourself so as not to catch puzzled and condemning glances. Think how difficult it will be for her to suppress her emotions in a strange environment! And getting home after shocking news is quite a challenge! Be respectful of her feelings, because, most likely, your spouse will be very upset and depressed. Therefore, it is better to personally tell your wife about your desire to separate at home, listen to everything she tells you, support her and let her express her grief from the destruction of her family. Choose an evening after work, or even better, have the conversation before the weekend. Be a gentleman, think about the fact that your wife needs to come to her senses after the news of an imminent divorce and gather her strength. And an extra couple of days before the work week will help the wife meet her new single life with dignity.
Don't blame her when voicing a decision. In family discord, both partners are always to blame. And no matter how much you would like to throw out all the accumulated negativity on your spouse, you should not do this. Obviously, you will hear similar reproaches in response. Believe me, after a separation, the wife herself, after some time, realizes what exactly she did wrong. And now she will be very hurt and upset. Perhaps your spouse will even see you as a traitor. Accept her statements, because she is now much worse off than you. Be a man, do not blame your wife for all mortal sins. Understand that this makes no sense, since you have already decided to go free swimming. Do not finish off a woman with whom you shared grief and joy. Try to separate without reproaches and scandals, although this is undoubtedly very difficult.

Women's self-esteem is a fragile thing. If you don’t want to ruin your spouse’s life, on the eve of the divorce, try not to blame her for all the troubles. Take some of the blame on yourself, say your mistakes out loud. Then your ex-wife will not develop complexes, will quickly come to her senses and regain personal happiness.

Try to maintain friendly relations with your wife. You should not make enemies for yourself, especially in the person of your ex-wife. There’s a lot that binds you together, and it’s stupid to part ways, hating each other to the core. Tell her that despite the breakup, you are always ready to help in a difficult situation. To remain friends with your ex-wife, you need to be a skilled speaker, but we are sure that you will cope with this task with ease. It is especially important to have a friendly relationship with your ex-spouse if you have children. Children need to see that their parents have mutual understanding, even if they do not live together. Grit your teeth and fight to maintain your friendship even after divorce. It may not seem like a good idea now, but after a while you will thank yourself for your wisdom.
Be confident in your decision. “How can I tell my wife that I want a divorce if she immediately bursts into tears and promises that now everything will be perfect with us?” - this question worries many men who cannot stand women’s suffering. Indeed, it is difficult to cope with emotions and not agree to give your spouse a second chance when you see how upset she is by the news of the upcoming separation. But you have already thought it over, weighed it and made a decision, so you shouldn’t back down from it. People don't change, and love won't happen again because of your spouse's efforts. Think about the fact that you will not find happiness in your personal life by stepping on the same rake. Be confident in yourself and your decision and do not deviate from your intended goal. If, after talking about divorce, you still have doubts about the correctness of your choice, try to separate from your spouse at least for a while. This way you will understand for sure whether you miss her, and maybe, from a distance, you will become even more confirmed in your decision to get a divorce.

See also:
Starting a new life after divorce

The number of divorces in our country is increasing every year. And this situation does not characterize the standard of living in Russia from the best side. Not everyone can survive a crisis in relationships against the backdrop of material and housing problems. Don't blame yourself and your wife for the fact that the family fell apart. There is a possibility that you met each other for a reason, but to gain invaluable experience of family life, albeit negative. Thank your spouse for all the good things that happened between you, and get ready for the divorce process.

What are the husband's actions?

The wife is determined to divorce, but the husband is against it. What should a spouse do in this situation?

When an agreement cannot be reached peacefully, the husband should take the following actions:

Resolve the issue of division of joint property , if any.
Decide who the children will live with , how often he can see them and at what time. When the child is already 10 years old, this right remains with him. But usually children are attached to their mother, and even if the husband intends to take the child, it is necessary to undergo a forensic psychological examination.
An important issue is the payment of alimony if there are minor children. In order not to resort to litigation, it is better to conclude an alimony agreement through a notary. Such an agreement is drawn up within 1 day by mutual agreement of the parties. You should discuss in advance the percentage deducted from your salary or decide on the exact monthly payment amount.
If the spouse has the right to financial support, this point should be discussed in person.

I don't want to get a divorce

Divorce is a common procedure for registry office employees and judges. However, the relationship between spouses is, first of all, a relationship within a family, where the law only formally protects both sides of the legal relationship. The psychological aspect remains illegal; therefore, if a wife has filed for divorce, the husband needs to behave confidently and at the same time delicately.

The wife filed for divorce, but the husband does not want to get a divorce - a common dispute. There are many reasons for this behavior of a man: he does not want to be alone, he does not want to disrupt his usual way of life, financial or property dependence (for example, the apartment belongs to his wife).

The court, in accordance with paragraph 2 of Article 22 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation, gives the spouses a 3-month period for reconciliation. Therefore, before the deadline established by law, the marriage cannot be dissolved and perhaps the parties will still be able to improve relations.

If this does not happen, but you do not want to separate from your wife, the divorce will occur against your will after 3 months. Failure to appear at a court hearing, as well as other actions that impede the trial, will not affect the final decision.

How to stop divorce proceedings

There are cases when the time given by Themis for reconciliation is not wasted, and the spouses decide to try to save the family.
Then there is a need to stop the divorce process. The easiest way is to write an objection document. It contains the following points:

Date of filing of the divorce petition.
The reason why the spouses decided to withdraw the previously written petition was the desire to save the family.

After filing an objection, the court will issue a ruling on setting a day for consideration of this issue. Both spouses are required to appear at the meeting. This is necessary in order to confirm that both husband and wife are truly ready to continue living together.

The court then makes a decision to either uphold the objection or reject it. Most often, Themis advocates preserving the family, so such issues are resolved positively.

Expert opinion

Irina Vasilyeva

Civil law expert

But it also happens that the spouses change their minds after the judge has rendered a verdict - to dissolve the marriage. In this case, they have 10 days to write a cassation or appeal to overturn Themis’ decision.

Moreover, this petition must be signed by both spouses and addressed to the judge who made the verdict. Only then can the decision be reversed.

The petition to set aside the petition for divorce must come from the spouse who filed the petition for divorce. Only in this case will the court accept it for consideration, and the divorce process will be stopped.